


it's the end of the world as we know it (and i feel fine)

by amrensjewelry



Category: Batman - All Media Types, White Collar (TV 2009)
Genre: Dick Grayson is Neal Caffrey, Gen, Humor, Neal Caffrey is Dick Grayson, its basically crack, just your everyday apocalypse, no beta we fake our deaths like neal and dick!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:34:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29804376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amrensjewelry/pseuds/amrensjewelry
Summary: Neal is just a bit annoyed to be stuck under house arrest when the world is ending. For like, the third time this year.
Relationships: Neal Caffrey & Clinton Jones, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson
Comments: 19
Kudos: 155





	it's the end of the world as we know it (and i feel fine)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this super fast during my lunch break, so it is short and likely full of errors, but proud of myself for writing something for this crossover after like years of reading and wanting to write something!
> 
> fic title is from the song of the same name by REM
> 
> hope you enjoy reading :)

So the world was ending. Again. This normally would not be a problem, aside from the obvious, except that Neal was a known criminal expected to use the chaos of the apocalypse to try and escape, or something. Which yes, to be fair he was trying to slip away during the chaos. But to help save the world, not steal a Rembrandt. Who even did that when the world was ending? Maybe Keller. He was classless like that.

The point was that this was an all-hands-on-deck-drop-everything apocalypse, not like the non-emergency apocalypse last Wednesday, and he had skipped the apocalypse before that because of this undercover job. No one had said anything about those times yet, but it wasn’t fair to not pull his weight in the caped community, and civilians were beginning to wonder what Nightwing was doing during all of these historical crises. 

“Jones, don’t you have more important things to be doing during the end of the world than babysitting a non-violent criminal?” he implored.

“Nice try, Caffrey. Not much I can do out there, though, so might as well stay in here with you.”

“There are no innocent civilians to protect? Really? With your gun and badge, you can’t do anything?”

“Against weird aliens? No, I’ll leave that to the capes, if you don’t mind. Give it a rest, Caffrey. Better to have me here protecting you, right? Just let Peter soothe his worries about you risking your life during an apocalypse for a great escape.”

Neal sighed but acquiesced. It was driving him crazy to not be out there providing backup for his friends and family, but they knew what they were doing. They would be okay, and if it seemed like they wouldn’t be, he would find a way to leave his apartment. He had plenty of ways, just most he didn’t want to use if not absolutely necessary.

His sign that things had progressed to the point of needing him absolutely came about 20 minutes later, not through an emergency comm or call line but through the shattering of the glass balcony doors. Red Robin fell through with one of the odd, oozing aliens clawing at his face on top of him. He quickly pulled it down and rolled to be on top of it, smashing its head until it stopped moving before rolling to his feet, panting.

“Sorry about that, we’ll pay for the glass, I’ll be leaving-” Tim started to say before he turned and took in his surroundings, and namely his older brother standing with an FBI agent a few feet away. Jones looked a bit shook up, but also impressed and starstruck, while Neal knew his expression was probably firmly settled in “worried”.

“Oh, Dick, there you are. We could use your help,” Tim said, seemingly oblivious or ignoring the fact that he was blowing multiple covers of Dick’s at once, but well, it was the end of the world, so maybe he got a pass this time. Regardless, Dick had no time to decide on an appropriate reaction, because three more aliens landed on the balcony, apparently drawn as all villains and henchmen are to caped crusaders when not targeting helpless innocents.

Tim launched himself at one of them in typical Robin fashion, so naturally, Dick did the same, in typical even dumber Robin fashion, as he hadn’t taken the time to grab a weapon and was still wearing a suit. Jones, in typical FBI agent fashion, ducked for cover and tried to get a clear shot on the aliens that wouldn’t risk shooting the vigilante or Neal.

Jones’ intervention proved unnecessary as Tim was easily able to take down the aliens with Dick’s help, which left them in the awkward position of sitting amongst four total alien corpses, covered in viscous alien blood, with clear familiarity between them, and Dick’s secret ninja (or well, vigilante) fighting skills no longer so secret.

“I can explain-” started Dick.

“It was a mind link between the two of us-” continued Tim, demonstrating an appalling lack of skill for lying, although he was basing it off of a real experience from a few months ago.

“It was really just instinct. You know, life and death-” tried Dick.

“I just greet everyone wearing a suit as Dick, and you’re guaranteed some camaraderie with anyone you kill aliens with,” Tim added.

“And anyway, it’s really just because I’m from Gotham. We’re all like that, it’s normal there,” finished Dick, world-renowned con-man and a vigilante who had hidden his identity even as a well-known public figure for decades.

Jones followed this exchange largely with bafflement, not entirely sure yet what the two of them were trying to cover up- was Red Robin a criminal? Surely Caffrey wasn’t a vigilante, but maybe they traveled in the same circles. Perhaps Cat Woman was a mutual acquaintance? Of course, he didn’t believe their story, but he did doubt himself for a second when Caffrey mentioned Gotham. That city was weird as hell, so maybe….but there was no way Neal was actually from Gotham, so he dismissed it.

“I don’t know what exactly is going on here Caffrey, but in general I don’t really mind you putting some of the invading aliens out of commission, so let’s just leave it until later and let Red Robin get back to work.”

“Actually, you see-” Tim began, trying to find an excuse to get Dick out of the apartment and on the streets where he could be useful. He was drawing a blank.

“Yeah, forget it, we’ll come up with something later. Really sorry about this Jones, you understand though, right? It’s the apocalypse, you do what you have to do,” apologized Dick, wincing at Jones’ confused “What?” as he stuck a needle in his neck to knock him out.

“Where’d you even get that?” asked Tim as Neal carefully moved Jones to the couch and removed his tracking anklet.

“Your utility belt. Sometimes the skills of an internationally renowned thief are useful,” said Dick, disappearing into the bathroom to get fully into his Nightwing suit. He was ready a minute later, absently gluing a domino to his face with one hand and twirling an escrima stick with the other.

“So, ready to go save the world?” he asked Tim. Tim nodded, leading the way onto the roofs of New York City. Dick wouldn’t wish for the end of the world to happen more often, but as he grappled between skyscrapers on his path to save a city and the world, he could admit to himself he wouldn’t mind so much for the chance to fly beside his brother again.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! kudos and comments are of course always appreciated :)


End file.
